You and Yourself

The foundation for all relationships

I’d like to begin by asking you a simple question.

Do you like yourself?

I’m not asking…
Are you successful?
Are you productive?
Are other people proud of you?

Simply...

Do you like yourself?
Do you enjoy your own company?
Do you speak kindly to yourself?
Can you receive a compliment without immediately dismissing it?
Can you celebrate your accomplishments without feeling guilty?
Can you make a mistake without questioning your worth?

It’s such a simple question.

When I first began my practice of building a foundation of self-love and acceptance, I thought my work was about healing my body shame.

That quickly uncovered something much deeper.

I wasn’t just ashamed of my body—I felt shame about everything beautiful and powerful about being a woman. My body shame was the doorway into a much bigger discovery.

I happened to be attending a week-long retreat, and on the very first day my intention shifted. I arrived wanting to eliminate my body shame, but within hours I realized my true intention was much bigger:

I wanted to love myself.

At the retreat, I spoke out loud, for the first time, the words I had been thinking about myself. As I heard these words coming out of my own mouth—and watched the group witness me with compassion— I knew I couldn’t hide anymore.

Wow... that’s how I feel about myself? That’s ridiculous.
I don’t want to feel this way anymore. This has to change.

Looking back, I see that week as a rebirth - a beginning of a new life for me built on a foundation of self-love and acceptance. It wasn’t the moment I learned to love myself—but it was the moment I stepped out of denial and admitted that I didn’t.

It was the first step toward changing my relationship with myself.

Over the past several months, we’ve explored six sacred relationships that shape the way we move through the world.

Our relationship with the mother, father, family, community, the past, and the future. Every one of those relationships eventually brought me back to the same place:

My relationship with myself.

This seventh sacred relationship turns out to be the most important relationship of all! It’s the foundation for all the others.

This reflection, like the rest of the series, is inspired by the teachings in Love, Service, Wisdom – The Ancient Inka Path to Inner Harmony by Jorge Luis Delgado.

Jorge writes that unless we establish a foundation of love, service, and wisdom in our relationship with ourselves, it becomes nearly impossible to consistently bring those qualities into any of our other relationships.

When I read that, I smiled. This is exactly why I knew I wanted to travel to Peru with a group of women with Jorge as our guide. So many of his teachings came down to this sacred relationship with ourselves.

Now, as I’m preparing to travel to Peru THIS WEEK with 17 women, I think it’s so appropriate that I’m writing about this topic today.

Tina with Jorge Luis Delgado at Machu Picchu in 2024.

In the Incan tradition, hucha is the heavy energy we accumulate through painful experiences, fear, shame, resentment, guilt, and the stories we believe about ourselves.

I love that word - I just love saying it. Hucha!
I love that there’s a word that describes what I’ve been carrying for decades.

When I think about how life was when I did not have a foundation of self-love and acceptance, I realize how much hucha I was carrying in my relationship with myself.

This lack of foundation was impacting every relationship in my life. I didn’t have a strong foundation.

When I believed I didn’t matter, I struggled to receive love.
When I believed my needs weren’t important, I put myself last every time.
When I doubted my worth, I searched for validation from others.

The relationship I had with myself shaped every other relationship in my life. Once I stepped onto the path of building my foundation of self-love and acceptance, I experienced a lot of grief.

I grieved how many years I had spent not liking myself and how that shaped the way I moved through the world and in my relationships.

I cried—a lot.
Sometimes unexpectedly.
It felt very much like mourning the loss of someone I loved.

Only this time, I was grieving the old version of myself while making room for someone new.

There is no perfection in your relationship with yourself. Some days we nurture it well, and other days we revert back to old habits. The beautiful thing is that we can always begin again.

Like every relationship, it requires attention, integrity, honesty, forgiveness, boundaries, and compassion.

As I often say, “When a person learns to love and accept themself, everything changes and anything becomes possible.” What that means for me is:

I trust myself.
I speak my truth.
I meet my needs without guilt.
I receive love more freely.
I ask for help.
I’m more willing to disappoint others when it means being authentic.
I no longer carry around resentment and anger.
I no longer abandon myself.
I know that I am good enough.

I know that I matter.

Jorge teaches that when our relationship with ourselves comes into harmony, we experience a deep sense of peace and security that other people can actually feel.

I can attest that this is definitely true for me, and I have witnessed this in my clients as well.

A reflection to sit with or write in your journal about this week:

• What is the tone of the conversation I have with myself every day?

• Do I speak to myself the way I would speak to someone I deeply love?

• Where am I still carrying hucha in my relationship with myself?

• What would it look like to meet myself today with just a little more compassion?

This concludes our seven-part exploration of the seven sacred relationships that shape our lives, inspired by the teachings of Jorge Luis Delgado and interpreted through my own journey of building a foundation of self-love and acceptance.

Over these weeks, we’ve explored our relationships with the Mother, Father, Family, Community, the Past, the Future, and finally, ourselves.

When we change the relationship we have with ourselves, every other relationship has the opportunity to change as well.

Next week, I’d like to share one final reflection inspired by these teachings—one that feels especially timely.

We’ll explore the Andean concept of hucha more deeply and the four steps Jorge teaches for transforming heavy energy into healing, freedom, and light.

If you'd like to follow along on our women's journey to Peru, I'll share what I can while we're there. I may even write a few Substack reflections if time allows, but I'll definitely be posting photos and moments from the journey on Facebook and Instagram.

I hope you'll follow along. My hope is that you'll feel inspired by the beauty of Peru, the wisdom we'll encounter, and the remarkable women sharing this journey together.